Back in March 1990, I was able, after many years of trying, to have on of the truly memorable experiences of my fly tying life. Unbelievable as it may seem, I interviewed Lord Amethyst Amherst II, the only know taking pheasant in existence.

[Writer's note: "I have never found a subject so consistently arrogant and 'Fowl' mouthed as Lord Amherst. Hence some of the interview was censored - even for the readers of the Inquisitor!]
Sleezer: First of all Lord Amherst, thank you for this interview. It is certainly an honor and a pleasure to meet you.
Lord Amherst: Yes, it is an honor and a pleasure to meet me. It always is you [deleted] fool!
Sleezer: Yes - well over the phone you said you had something to tell our readers. Here's your chance.
Lord Amherst: 'Here's your chance, here's your chance'. Who do you thick you are Sleezy! Just shutup and listen. From now on I talk and you just write the [deleted] words down. Comprende Herr Sleezoid?
Sleezer: Just Kidding.
Lord Amherst: First of all, isn't it stupid to refer to me as a Lady Amherst pheasant! Most of the Amherst feathers used in Salmon fly-tying as from the male, or cock adult pheasant. How would citizens of the United States like to be referred to as Lady Americans, or Lady Californians? Next, I'm sick of the [deleted] publicity other birds and their feathers are getting. All I hear is Bustard this, Golden Pheasant that. Turkey, Goose, Peacock, Indian crow and Chatterer, you'd think they were Gods, or something.

I don't know how many times my center-tails are hanging next to Golden Pheasant tails and I'm never purchased by that [deleted] fly tier; always that [deleted] G.P. wimp is taken!

Listen Sleezrag - How is it that I'm so little used in Salmon Fly construction? I'll stack my center tails against any feathers out there. Not only am I a great centertail, but without question, no feather comes close to my versatility either. I'm just great!

All right Sleezbag, I see some doubt in your incredibly dull face, so I'm going to tell you why you are in the presence of greatness.

Let's take a mint pair of my centertails (always use a mint pair as molted feathers are extremely suspect at times). As you can see, it is fairly easy to find centertails that are 3" to almost 4" long in fiber length. Think it's easy to find that length in that wimp Golden Pheasant!

Now look at the markings on my tails. Is there any better contrast that black and white? In fact, my tail is so striking that a little goes a long way in the wing. Only 2 to 3 fibers in a wing strip is necessary. Any more and my fibers will start to dominate, or even overwhelm, the wing. Try me in any pattern, you might be surprised at the results. I'm superb in the larger hook sizes. Earlier I mentioned my versatility. My centertail feathers dye wonderfully, if they are in good condition, and if the dyer is careful. If you dye me the right color brown, you can have a good substitute for G.P. (wimp), but with a much long fiber length for the larger flies.

Using a lighter brown, or yellow-brown, and if you choose the, proper markings from my centertail, you can have a nice substitute for Florican Bustard or Peacock Secondary. Would you like to tie the renown Black Jay in Kelson's book,; which calls for Black Cockatoo in the wing? Have you ever seen a strip of Amherst centertail dyed reddish-orange in a wing? Awesome, you dullard.

I know many Salmon fly tiers like to make up their own patterns. Think of the possibilities for new patterns if you dye my tails red, orange, green, claret, blue, yellow, purple, etc.. Zounds, it just stuns me why I'm not used more.

There, I've had my say - This terminates my interview. Not Get out!